


Hold My Hand

by daisyherondale



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, set during Chain of Iron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:48:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25065655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisyherondale/pseuds/daisyherondale
Summary: One night, when she couldn’t sleep, Tessa wanted to get a fresh air. But instead of doing that, she faces a person who is killing Shadowhunters.
Relationships: Tessa Gray & James Herondale, Tessa Gray & James Herondale & Lucie Herondale & Will Herondale, Tessa Gray & Lucie Herondale, Tessa Gray/Will Herondale
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

Tessa woke drenched in sweat, she sat up breathing heavily. “Tess?” Will stirred next to her, blinking, as he glanced over at her, his blue eyes filled with worry. “Are you alright?” Tessa burried her head in her hands. For the past 4 months, Tessa didn’t sleep well at all. She kept having same dream — no, not a dream, seemed more like vision, but she didn’t have any vision, for the past 25 years. Ever since the last battle against Mortmain, on Cadair Idris, she wasn’t sure if the vision was anything good, but she thought she knew for sure who is sending the vision to her. At the beginning she brushed it off, not wanting to worry much about it. But visions didn’t stop, it kept her pacing her the floor at night. Every night. The vision was about: Man with large black wings, white hair, and eyes same as her own. And it didn’t take her long to figure it out, that man was her demonic father. _Suddenly_ _she found herself standing in the ballroom, in London institute, her children, the Lightwoods, Fairchilds and Carstairs were there as well.  
She looked up as someone took her hand, and relaxed as she realised it was her beautiful Will. _

_He was smiling down at her, Tessa found herself unable to smile back._

_She felt something was wrong._

_Moments later his beautiful black hair changed into white hair, his clear blue eyes changed into grey, much similar to her own eye color, and similar cheekbones like her own._

_It was like she was looking at mirror._

_She tried to take a step back, but was unable to. He was grabbing her close to himself, in an iron grip._

_The ballroom was suddenly filled with bright golden light, and nearly right away as soon as light came, no one else, apart from her, was in ballroom anymore._

_“_ _Tessa Gray,” a very familiar voice echoed, now throught the empty ballroom._

_Tessa looked up, and to her astonishment, she saw the Angel Ithuriel, in all his angelic glory. Before Tessa could even blink, he was suddenly in front of her, in human size. “Someone needs your help. You are the only one who can destroy him, with your power.” “Help who? Destroy who? I cannot use my shapeshifting ability anymore -“ Tessa was cut off by Ithuriel, who shook his golden head. “I never mentioned for you to use shapeshifting ability, I know how painful it is for you to use it. I meant your other powers,” Ithuriel explained. “All those past months, I’ve sent you vision about Belial. I know you’ve figured it out what you need to do. Like you did first time.”_

_“But I don’t know who I have to help.”Tessa whispered._

_“Of course you know, that person is really close to you, when you look at that person, you’ll know and understand everything.”_ And with that, Ithuriel was gone, but visions did not stop, they were more often, than before. “Tessa!” Will exclaimed, snapping Tessa of her thoughts. Tessa swallowed thickly, leaning towards her husband, who rubbed calming circles on her back, whispering words of comfort. “Again same vision?” Will murmured, bringing her closer to himself. Tessa nodded, wordlessly.

“We’ll find a killer soon. And hopefully you won’t have these visions anymore.” There were 3 Shadowhunters who had been killed. First was Inquisitor Bridgestock, soon followed by Elias Carstairs and Rosamund Wentworth. “Hopefully,” Tessa nodded in agreement. She stood up, without another word. “Where are you going?” Will asked, confused. “It’s really late.”

“I’ll be back soon,” Tessa said, once she was dressed in her evening gown. “I just need some fresh air.” She kissed him, but before Will could open his mouth, Tessa slipped out of their bedroom.

She wandered hallways, thinking about what the Angel told her.

_Of course you know, that person is really close to you, when you look at that person, you’ll know and understand everything._

The only person Belial wanted to posses was— She jumped startled, when loud crash from the library, snapped out of her thoughts.

Once she was in front library, she hesitated slightly, before opening the doors quitely.

She looked around the library, and relaxed once she saw James sitting in armchair. James had a dagger twirling in his hand carelessly. His golden eyes were dark, they were nearly black, there was no light in them, no kindness, no warmth in them.

The eyes of sunlight Tessa loves so much, now looked nothing but nearly a darkness. There wasn’t any emotion at all, behind his eyes. James glanced up at her, and smiled. But it wasn’t a warm smile, she once loved, in that smile there was nothing but wickedness.

Tessa shivered, when James stood up.

She pushed down the feeling of uneasiness. “Jamie,” She took a hesitant step towards him. “Are you alright?” James said nothing, only walked towards her, his footsteps were heavy and echoing in the library.

He stopped in front of her, and raised the other side of dagger.

Tessa drew in sharp breath, the other side of dagger was completely covered in dried blood. “What have you done?” Tessa whispered. James merely shrugged, and then grinned. “What I promised 4 months ago. To make sure all Nephilim from London suffer.” His voice didn’t sound like James’s.

Moments later, his beautiful golden eyes turned pitch black.

“You are not James.” Tessa said, realization hitting her.

“No, I am not.” He grinned. “But I think you can guess who I am.”

Tessa’s eyes widdened in disbelief, “Belial.” “Correct,” He whispered. He turned away from her, and paced around the library. “For over the years, I tried to posses you, but was never being able to. All that because Ithuriel protected you. Even when you were weak because of heavenly fire after the last battle with that human Axel Mortmain and his Clockwork army, Ithuriel still protected you, without hesitation. Because you freed him. After that, even years later he still protected you.” He frowned, and then shrugged. “Shall we see if he can protect you from this?”

And then he lunged at her, before she could even blink.

She ducked gracefully, narrowly avoiding him. _I know how painful it is for you to use it. I meant your other powers._

And Tessa realized about what power was Ithuriel talking about.

It was a heavenly fire.

She had learned to control it years ago. But never thought if there would be a need for her to use it.

But now she had to, to help her son, and to destroy Belial. She closed her eyes, and focused.

She opened them again, she saw golden fire in her hands.

Her skin was pale now, near-translucent, showing the mapping of veins beneath her skin.

It was like the first time, when she was affected by heavenly fire, when she shapeshifted into Ithuriel.

She glanced at James/Belial, who’s face whitened. There was nothing on his face, apart from horror, fear and rage.

She raised her hands and threw a small amount of heavenly fire at James/Belial.

She knew James would be fine, but Belial wouldn’t be.

Just when Belial threw dagger at Tessa, which had hit her at chest.

She fell on the ground, a thin line of blood trailed out of Tessa’s mouth.

James/Belial screamed in agony, black eyes turned into their normal beautiful golden, and screaming stopped, just when he dropped to his knees.

He was breathing heavily, his hands curled into fists.

James glanced at his mother, and froze, realizing what Belial did.

Without any word, he ran towards her, dropping to his knees next to her, just when the doors swung opened, Tessa’s vision became blurry, when she breathed heavily. “Tessa! James!” Two different footsteps ran towards her and James, but Tessa knew instantly it was Will and Lucie.

Lucie gasped in horror, “What happened?”

“I—I was possesed,” James whispered, his golden eyes filling with tears. “By Belial. He attacked mum, and —“ James was shaking his head, tears streaming down his face.

Will dropped to his knees, and took Tessa in his arms, and started crying.

She wasn’t dead yet, but any moment she would be.

Tessa opened her mouth to say something, but she only coughed blood, and Will cried more. As did James and Lucie.

Tessa reached out, and took Will’s hand, who squezed it tightly, afraid to let go of her. “P — Please no,” Will’s voice creaked, and he began sobbing. “Don’t leave us. Please.”

“I lo—“ Tessa coughed more blood. “I love you so much.” She whispered, her eyes closing, and her hand fell slack in Will’s lap.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been just a day, when James’s mother died. He killed his own mother, even thought he was possesed by his grandfather. He kept having a nightmare when he or rather Belial killed his mother. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at his father or his sister. Or anyone else from his friends and family.   
Sophie and Gideon arrived with Eugenia and Thomas as soon as they heard what happened, along with Gabriel and Cecily and Anna and Christopher. Charlotte and Henry couldn’t come, as they stayed in Idris, but still promised they will come as soon as possible.  
James had shut down completely. He didn’t talk to anyone. Not even to Matthew, Christopher or Thomas. No matter how much they tried to talk to him. He didn’t sleep at all, just stared at the ceiling, thinking about what he did. Or rather what he allowed Belial to do. Because he was too weak.   
His mother saved him, but she did not manage to survive.  
He had heard when Sophie, Gideon, Eugenia and Thomas arrived. It was an hour after everything happened. He only saw them briefly. He saw his father crying, not bothering to hide his tears.   
Uncle Jem was there too. He was the first one who arrived, before Gideon, Sophie, Eugenia and Thomas. James was sure, if the Silent Brothers could cry, Jem would have.   
James did however, saw a grief on Jem’s face.   
After that, he returned to his bedroom, and locked himself in bedroom.   
There was a light knock, so faint, that James nearly didn’t hear it.   
James hesitated, before standing up, and unlocking the doors.   
On the other side of doors stood Lucie, dressed in white gown, with red runes of mourning.   
James clenched his fists.  
“Papa told me to get you, if you wish to come with us... We are leaving for an hour.” Lucie murmured, as she glanced up at him.   
Her blue eyes were rimmed with red, from endless crying for hours.   
James flinched. How could she even look at him? At monster who killed his own mother?  
Lucie stepped inside his bedroom, without saying anything, and sat down on his bed, while James sat down in his chair.  
“No one is blaming you.” She said softly, after a few minutes of silence.   
James still said nothing, but only flinch. “You should all blame me.”   
Lucie frowned, reminding James painfully of their mother. But before she could say anything else, someone walked inside the bedroom.   
They both looked up, and saw it was Will. He too, was dressed in white gear, and had red runes of mourning.  
James had never saw his father so heartbroken. He wasn’t heartbroken like this, not even when his parents died, years ago.  
Will had a dark bags under his eyes, his eyes were bloodshot from crying, he looked ghostly pale.  
Will sat down silently on bed, next to Lucie. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders, who leaned and put her head on her father’s shoulder.   
James watched them silently for few moments, before looking away.   
“Jamie,” Will said softly, and James glanced back at his father. Will gestured at him to sit next to him.  
James hesitated for a moment, before he stood up, and sat next to his father.  
“It is not your fault.” He said simply. “Your mother wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”  
James said nothing for minute, only clenched his jaw.  
He finally spoke up, “Yes it is my fault. How can you even look at me, after what I did?”  
“It was not your fault,” Will repeated, and shook his head. His blue eyes, were sad. “It was only Belial’s fault. Not yours.” Will took James’s hand and squezzed it, in comfort.   
James sighed heavily, putting his head on his father’s shoulder, and started crying again.  
“She knows it is not your fault.” Will whispered. “If it meant that she has to die, so she’d save you, she would have done it over and over again. Like I would have.”  
An hour later, James was ready for funeral.  
Thomas, Matthew and Christopher were there too, with James, in his bedroom. All of them ready for funeral.   
After they talked, Will and Lucie left him to get ready. Will went to find Cecily, Gabriel, Sophie and Gideon. While Lucie went with Cordelia and Anna somewhere.   
James glanced down at his bare wrist. The bracelet, Grace gave him was no longer there.  
Belial took it off, once James was possesed.   
Without bracelet... He felt odd.   
All feelings he felt for Grace, were no longer there. As if they were not real, never were there in first place.   
But feelings James truly had, were feelings for Cordelia Carstairs. She was his fianceé, and had to know of his feelings, of everything with bracelet and Grace.  
He would tell her of his feelings, but not now. He couldn’t do it at the moment.  
“James!”   
James jumped startled, before turning around.  
Christopher, Matthew and Thomas were all eyeing him worriedly.   
“Are you alright, Jamie?” Thomas asked, with small frown.  
James only shook his head, as he sat down on his bed. “This really seems.... Like nightmare. All I am thinking, this is some nightmare. And if I look for mum in institute, she’ll appear. But I know that’s just my wish.” James whispered, his golden eyes filling with tears.  
Matthew sat down next to James, and reached out squeezing his shoulder. “It’s alright, Jamie. It’ll get easier eventually.” He said softly.  
James only took a shaky breath, and nodded.  
“We should leave.” Christopher said.  
Thomas and Matthew nodded in agreement.  
Matthew stood up, but James was still sitting down. “James, if you don’t wish to go, you don’t —“  
“No, no. I am going.” James said firmly, and stood up, leaving his bedroom, with Thomas, Christopher and Matthew following him.   
They walked in silence, towards the drawing room, where everyone else was waiting for them.  
When James reached the drawing room, he opened the doors quitely. In the drawing room was his father, his sister, and the rest of their family and close friends.   
James’s gaze fell on his father, who was sitting on one of the armchairs, and talking with Sophie and Gideon.   
It was strange seeing Will without Tessa sitting next to him. James couldn’t help but wonder, would it get easier eventually, like Matthew said? He couldn’t even imagine his father’s pain. Was it same like James’s and Lucie’s?  
No, perhaps not. First he lost his parabatai —even thought Jem was still alive, but he was still a silent brother. And then Will lost his wife, years later.   
Perhaps, maybe it was harder for his father. Because part of him died a few hours ago. Not just him, but part of Jem too.  
Will stopped talking with Sophie and Gideon, and looked up at his son, his face was unreadable.  
Will stood up, and everyone glanced at him, “We should leave.” He said, not taking his eyes of his son.  
James looked around all the familiar faces in drawing room. Some were dressed in white gowns, some in white gear.  
He felt like he is drowning, he couldn’t breathe properly. His vision became blurry, and was filled with black dots. James took a several steps back.  
“James? Jamie!” Matthew reached out for James, but James ran away. Even as his father along with Matthew called out for him.  
He returned back to his bedroom, gasping for air. He closed the doors, and slid to floor, leaning against them.  
“James. Breathe, Jamie.” It was a familiar warm voice, James loved more than anything.  
The air suddenly changed, he shivered when he felt slightly cold shift in air. He looked up, and saw it was a ghost. A very familiar one.   
It was his mother. Her brown curls floating around her like a waterfall.   
James’s eyes widened in disbelief.  
“Mum,” James whispered. “I am so sorry, I—“  
“It is not your fault, Jamie. I did it to save you. And I would have done it again.”  
“I am so sorry for everything what happened,” James whispered, and began crying. “I can’t forgive myself for what I did —“  
“James, it wasn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself. It’s all Belial’s fault.” Tessa said softly.  
“You — You don’t blame me for what happened?” James breathed heavily.  
“My sweet boy, I would never blame you. I love you so much, both you and Lucie. And your father, and Uncle Jem uncoditionally.” Tessa said, with small smile. And then she vanished, before James could say anything else.  
At that moment James felt slightly better, with everything what his mother told him.   
Even if she was just a ghost, when she told him that.  
And eventually with time, James learned not to blame himself. Despite how hard it was at the beginning, at one point it got easier eventually for himself and his sister, with loss, much like Matthew said it would be.   
It was a harder for his father, but Lucie and James were always there for him, whenever he needed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it :)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like it!


End file.
